The Alarm Clock and the “Exam Destroyer”
At a prestigious university in the UK, there was a professor notorious for being a total hard-ass. He had one golden rule: “Punctuality is life; one second late is a zero.” If you submitted your paper even a heartbeat after the final bell, he’d toss it straight into the trash without blinking.
During the final exam for Anatomy, a student named Dave showed up looking like a z*mbie. He’d pulled an all-night gaming session and his stomach was doing somersaults thanks to some questionable, expired instant noodles he ate for breakfast.
Midway through the exam, Dave’s guts began to protest, emitting loud, gurgling “growls” that echoed through the dead-silent hall. To mask the embarrassing noises, Dave tried coughing loudly or scraping his chair every time his stomach flared up. But by the 80th minute, he hit his limit. Dave raised his hand:
— “Professor, I have a… biological emergency. I need to hit the restroom, NOW!”
The professor checked his watch and said coldly:
— “You have 5 minutes. If you’re not back, your exam is void.”
Dave bolted like a lightning bolt. But in his frantic state, as he stood up to leave the stall, his wallet and his phone—which was set to an alarm—slipped out and went “PLOP” right into the toilet. Dave didn’t have time to mourn. He gave his hands a quick rinse and sprinted back to the hall, sliding into his seat at the very last second.
He sat there, panting, and tried to focus. Ten minutes later, while the room was in a state of intense concentration, a bizarre sound started muffled from Dave’s midsection:
“Beep-beep-beep… Beep-beep-beep…”
The whole class looked up. The professor marched down, narrowing his eyes:
— “Mr. Dave, I strictly forbid electronic devices. What on earth is hidden in your clothes?”
Dave turned pale as a sheet and stammered:
— “Uh… nothing, sir… it’s just my… internal digestive aid.”
But the phone in Dave’s lap (the professor assumed he’d swallowed it in a panic—or at least it sounded that way) wouldn’t quit. It switched to its backup ringtone: “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees.
The room erupted in suppressed giggles. The professor roared:
— “Are you mocking me? Stand up, immediately!”
As Dave stood, the “pressure” in his gut reached critical mass. Every step he took toward the front was accompanied by a rhythmic “pfft… pfft…” sound. The professor recoiled in horror, covering his nose:
— “Stop! Stay right there! I am NOT touching your paper!”
Dave screamed: “You said it has to be turned in on time!” and with a final burst of desperation, he launched his exam paper like a paper airplane toward the professor’s desk, punctuated by one final, thunderous “biological blast” that shook the room.
The paper made a perfect landing—straight into the professor’s mug of hot coffee. The hall went silent for three seconds before exploding into a mix of gagging and hysterical laughter. Dave was banned from the department for life, but he became a campus legend known as “The Terminator with a Soundtrack.”
