An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar,
So one night he took her along with him.
“What’ll you have?” he asked.“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.
So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.
“Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered.
“l don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”
“Well, there you go,” cried the husband.
“And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!”
Little Johnny’s next-door neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.
When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny’s family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny’s parents were very afraid their son would have a wisecrack to say about the baby.
So, Little Johnny’s dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbours.
He said,
“Now, son…that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behaviour and not say one word about his ears, or I’m really going to spank you when we get back home.”
“I promise not to mention his ears at all,” said Little Johnny.
At the neighbour’s home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby’s hand.
He looked at its mother and said,
“Oh, what a beautiful little baby!”
The mother said,
“Thank you very much, Little Johnny.”
He then said,
“This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why… just look at his pretty little eyes. Did his doctor say he can see good?”
The Mother said,
“Why, yes… his doctor said he has 20/20 vision.”
Little Johnny said,
“Well, it’s a damn good thing, cause he sure as hell can’t wear glasses!”
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