After Reading This List, You May Never Look at Cucumbers the Same Way
The average cucumber is at least 15 cm long.
Cucumbers can stay hard for a week.
Cucumbers are easy to pick.
You can test cucumbers for firmness in the supermarket.
Cucumbers have every weekend off.
A cucumber will respect you even in the morning.
A cucumber always waits until you come home.
A cucumber won’t ask you, “Was I the first?”
Cucumbers don’t care whether you’re still a v*rgin.
Cucumbers will never tell other cucumbers that you are a v*rgin.
Cucumbers don’t write your name in men’s restrooms.
Cucumbers are not jealous of your ski instructor.
A cucumber doesn’t mind hiding in the cupboard when your mother comes for an unexpected visit.
It doesn’t matter how old you are, you can always get a hard and fresh cucumber.
A cucumber doesn’t care what time of month it is.
A cucumber is not allergic to your cat.
Cucumbers will never answer your phone calls or lend you your car.
A cucumber won’t eat all your food in the fridge and drink all your alcohol.
A cucumber won’t turn your bathroom into a library.
A cucumber doesn’t use your toothbrush or your hairspray.
Cucumbers don’t leave their dirty underwe@r on the floor.
A cucumber always leaves the toilet seat exactly as it was.
A cucumber will never leave you for another man, another woman, or another cucumber.
A cucumber never needs to call his wife.
You only need to eat a cucumber if you feel like it.
You don’t have to wait until halftime to talk to your cucumber.
A cucumber won’t leave hickeys or dark circles under your eyes.
It’s easy to drop a cucumber.
You’ll always know where your cucumber was.
A cucumber will never introduce you to its mother.
