Finding a championship-winning quarterback usually requires scouting top-tier college athletes, but the Chicago Bears head coach found his next superstar in the most dangerous place on Earth.
The Bears had put together a nearly flawless roster. The defense was ironclad, the running game was lethal, but they were missing one crucial piece: a franchise quarterback. Desperate for a savior, the coach was watching the evening news one night when a live broadcast from a conflict zone in Afghanistan caught his eye.
In the background of the smoke and rubble, he spotted a young Afghan soldier with an absolutely terrifying arm.
With pinpoint accuracy, the kid hurled a hand grenade 100 yards straight through a tiny 15th-story window. KABOOM! He immediately tossed another one 75 yards away, right down a narrow chimney. KA-BLOOEY! For his grand finale, he picked off a car speeding past at 90 miles per hour. BULLS-EYE!
“That is the greatest arm in human history,” the coach gasped. He flew to the Middle East the next day, signed the young soldier, and brought him back to the United States.
After a crash course in American football, the rookie took the league by storm, leading the Bears all the way to a historic Super Bowl victory. Hailed as a national hero, the young MVP sat in the chaotic, celebratory locker room and asked the coach for just one favor: he wanted to call his mother.
“Mom!” he beamed proudly into the phone. “I did it! I just won the Super Bowl!”
A cold, bitter silence greeted him on the other end. “I do not want to talk to you,” his mother snapped. “You are no son of mine.”
“Mom, you don’t understand!” the young man pleaded, gesturing to the roaring stadium. “I just won the greatest sporting event in the world! I am surrounded by thousands of adoring fans!”
“Oh, really? Well, let me tell you what I am surrounded by!” his mother fiercely retorted. “Right now, gunshots are echoing outside our front door. The entire neighborhood is a pile of smoking rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I can’t even let your sister step outside without fearing for her safety!”
The old woman paused, choking back angry tears, and yelled:
“I will never, ever forgive you for making us move to Chicago!”
